I am feeling an urge to study something ‘practical’, learn a skill that allows me to spin at least a cog in the great machine of society.
All through the holidays I have concerned myself with the affairs of faith and religion and of the human nature and psychology. And I realize, having acquired sizeable knowledge on those subjects, that such a learning has procured me no more than brief satisfactions. Once I settle upon a dialetically-derived position, there is no further to go. And where there is no movement, there is no joy. Furthermore, I had not gained anything tangible from it apart from a change of opinion; which really the world could not care less about – it strides on while I practise my little metaphysical somersaults.
So now that I have grown bored of baptizing truths, lost the pleasure in philosophizing, my mind turns instinctively to worldly, tangible things. I wish to be useful. I wish to earn money. I wish to know of the workings and windings of the world and effect changes in its motion. I wish contribute to the economy of the society, not the economy of the mind. I wish to work, not study purposeless things. I wish to be a man of the physical, not the metaphysical.
Before me lies twitching in the light breeze, my most cherished Beyond Good and Evil. But how difficult it is to read it. Where once I had an overpowering interest, an enthusiasm that would propel me through its entire space, I now languish by the end of the first page.
Perhaps, I ought to reconsider my major.