Implore me no more

I must admit, before any sense of hope can be bred, that I often feel slightly vexed when someone, upon hearing that I have lost my faith (lost my way), implores me to “open my heart” or “seek him and he shall find you”. The reason for which I do not bear faith is precisely because I do not wish to “open my heart” –  and do not take this as an indication of a hardhearted nature. The invitation to open one’s heart is for me to relinquish one’s habit of reason and engulf oneself in a spiritual mood, which can neither be confirmed as emanating from a divine source nor as constructed by the fancies and longings of the human mind. The person might then go on to say: “you mustn’t be afraid of the uncertainty; that is the single hurdle over which you must leap into order to reach faith.” To this I will reply that one might as well believe that unicorns are the benevolent guardians of the universe. It is into blind non-reason that faith invites us; into all realms conceivable by the imagination. I doubt I shall ever understand faith as anything more than a selective belief in fancies. But then again, who could know?

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