Never use the “I”

I feel like I can be.. No, why do I keep writing with the detestable “I”. Has not Voltaire told us that the “I” is the most hated? The readers’ ego is as big as mine; and so I should never write solely about myself, but always include them in the matter at hand as well. The “You” or the “We” is far more attractive I imagine. Stop talking about yourself immediately. Talk about what matters to other people, what would interest them. By rambling on about your affairs, expanding little thoughts into paradigms and filling them with an assortment of metaphors, you have not made your writing any more interesting; but only more telling of a senseless narcissism. We are bound, it seems, to always talk about ourselves.

But, permit me just this time, to complete what I earlier wished to say. I feel like I can be blasphemous, and rude, and creepy, and strange, unbecoming, fanatical, uncaring, wild, belligerent, utterly appalling, and whatever else there is possibly to be. Everyone will think that I have gone mad. At first, they will try patiently to understand my position, and patiently to tolerate my piercing insults and the frivolity with which I treat social decorum. But when they see that I am irreversibly a monster, they will begin to shun me. And then as soon as that happens, I will return to as I was before. I will sit alone in my house, having lost all my friends, and regret the entire exercise. But before I do, I shall have a quiet laugh; a laughter of madness perhaps? The kind that throbs underground, emanating malevolence, beneath the nose of conscious I. Because what a delight it was, what a refreshing escapade into the careless freedom that is accorded man!

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