I am helpless

I seem to have lost the robustness of mind that I possessed just a week ago. Then, I felt invincible. But now, now I can barely hold a thought in place. Everything is scattered. In class today, I had meant to ask a question; yet, I had no clear understanding of what it was that I really wanted to ask, or what it was that kept me confused. But I spoke anyway, and regretted it immediately. I stumbled after every sentence, and as the sceptical gaze of the teacher fell upon me, I stumbled even more. Finally, the teacher moved to clarify my question, presenting a brief of my inquiry, to which I said: No, that isn’t quite right – what I really meant was… Then, after another round of shaky explanation, he again tried to give a brief. And again, he had gotten it wrong. But this time, I simply nodded my headed, trying to mimic as far as possible those people who, having been misunderstood countless of times, are finally understood. I just didn’t want to waste anymore time. And the more I thought about my own enquiry, the more it seemed to me a blurry mess, an obfuscation of an obfuscation, a tangle of ideas whose cause is perhaps not the complexity of the argument but the folly of my own mind.


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