Irresponsibility

What you said is true, I haven’t been the most responsible person. In fact, this has gone on for quite some time now, I know. But try as I may to stop myself from behaving irresponsibly, I simply cannot – it is beyond my powers. Something has caught on to me and crippled me. I ask myself if there is a reason for my always being so irresponsible, and I come to no conclusion. The answer just is. I am in a constant state of dizziness. Nothing ever makes complete sense to me, and nothing of worth can be treated as being genuinely worthy. Like underground man, I am selfish and sick. This must sound all so depressing to you, but I’m not depressed I assure you. I’m just in a vacuum; I’m not thinking, but just being in the most fundamentalĀ sense; I am walking forward with my eyes barely opened, because to open them and perceive all the things around me is too much trouble.

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