On insanity

And how do I cure myself, Dr. Rolland?

You can’t. Insanity works by trapping you in a contrivance of your own mind. Even these words that I am now speaking to you, they do not belong to me – the real Dr. Rolland is outside trying his hardest to get to you – these words, they belong to yourself. Your mind has imagined them. But maybe, being clever you, you should ask who did I suddenly appear, how did the character of Dr. Rolland come to appear before you, since insanity keeps you from reaching the outside world. That’s because your primary senses are still functioning, and the mind will always need to have a base on which to construct its lies; I have merely been borrowed from the world outside of you.

Why do you never speak my name?

Hmm, you already know the answer don’t you. That was why you asked the question in the first place. Do you wish for me to tell you a lie? But didn’t you take that lesson once, where the class was arguing about self-deception, and how you argued that self-deception isn’t possible. Well, it certainly isn’t. Whatever I say, you will know if it is really the truth. Hah, but in this universe, why should the truth even matter? Let’s shuffle the cards a little. Why don’t you tell me why I refrain from speaking your name?

Because.. I am afraid. I am afraid that it’s really me you’re referring to. I’m afraid that this is it; all my worst fears have come true, and I have really gone insane without even knowing it, and without any way of plunging myself out of this horrible chasm. It’s because I’m afraid Dr. Rolland.

That’s right, you are afraid. And it’s perfectly natural to be afraid. Most of the other patients whom I speak to are afraid as well, in fact, you are among the more brave ones. And not to mention among the more ‘normal’ ones. Or to put more precisely, lying closer to the world of the sane. Alright, your session is over. You’ll have to go now.

But where do I go?

Back into your life; the way it has always been. You are still studying, are you not?

I am. In my final year. I was just about to finish my graduating essay.

And what might that be about?

Insanity.

 

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