Rachel’s wedding

Now I wonder why I never said anything, but only smiled, then awkwardly pivoted to face another direction. Maybe it was the crowd; the setting just wasn’t proper for a good conversation. Or maybe I was afraid that I might have nothing to say and the conversation will dwindle into discomfort. Whatever it was, at least we were reminded of each others’ existence.

Learnt of two tragedies today. Never imagined that it could happen, seeing as how in both cases, the persons involved were so strongly held together by the force of love. In every picture made public, things appeared so dainty, the movements of unity so effortless and seemingly eternal.

Something I’ve learnt: During parties, or on those occasions where there are many people around you, some of whom you have met and spoken to, albeit only briefly – on these occasions, one must dare to depart from the comfortable precinct, and move around on one’s own, navigating through the fields of food and chatter, and find ever so often a less-spoken-to acquaintance. At the end of it all, you will find yourself in a much better disposition, than had you merely surveyed the expanse from that cramped vantage point.

What is that mysterious feeling of joy that intrudes the system of the bride and groom during their vow-proclamation? Was there ever any suspicion that the other partner might say ‘no’? Should not the joy be magnitudes more lively at the outset of the relationship – when both discover the secret attraction they have for each other?

Supposing thoughts about what is right and wrong are intrinsically motivating – that is, if I perceive an action as wrong, then I would be motivated to not perform it – what of the psychopath who knows what is right and what is wrong, but who refuses to act according to them? Either his motivations are too weak to instigate the will, or the motivations arise separately from those thoughts of right and wrong.

‘A moral action is one which instigates in observers a feeling of approval’. But this leads to a great deal of subjectivity. For example, there could be a group of tribespeople who feel a sense of approval towards sacrificial killings; would that then be considered moral?

A magnanimous man born into the world decided one day that he should stop giving. People all around him asked him why he had suddenly stopped giving, and he just shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know why had stopped giving either; he just stopped.

Yesterday, I dreamt that you had come to pick some us up in your car to give us a lift home. It was odd because your house was nowhere close to the place we were at and neither were our houses close to yours –  you had driven out from home just to pick us. For what reason? When you dropped me home, you came out of the car and waved. There were still two others you had to send home, and there was a look of wistfulness on your face. For a moment I felt that I knew exactly what you wanted; but only I refused to say anything, to give you anything. Such is the nature of the human being; when given a choice, he inflates himself with pride and the supposition of power.

It seems things are almost completely back to normal. There are no more ill feelings left on the tray; or otherwise, they are merely crumbs that can hardly affect anything. We speak as would two friends who know very little about each others’ lives; always choosing to stay amidst the easy, commonplace topics. Perhaps we are just too afraid of falling into a deep crevice and finding at the bottom those relics from the unsightly past.



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