On Chinese New Year, I will

  1. Eat porridge if I can find any, because porridge is healthy and I want to be healthy.
  2. Wash my hair with shampoo and then use some conditioner, because I want to get rid of all the germs on my head.
  3. Wash all my dirty clothing, because I will have to use them the next day.
  4. Use needles to sew random articles of clothing, because I want something new to do.
  5. Talk and write incessantly about death, because everyone cares so much about avoiding it on that particular day.
  6. Sweep the floors, because my room gets dusty very easily.
  7. Cry from watching Carl Sagan talk about epithets and about the kinds of people who ought to be destroyed.
  8. Use a penknife to open a box of crackers which I might not want to eat.
  9. Always have an odd amount of money in my wallet, so that I will have more denominations to pay with.
  10. Wear the darkest pieces of clothing I have.

Let’s see if I die on the next day. Otherwise, a small part of the most stupid beliefs would be finally be disproven.


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