Happiness and why I elude it

Happiness is a kind of challenge for me. My circumstances are such that they should make anyone happy,and yet I am unhappy. Or maybe it isn’t that I am unhappy, but only that the contrast has given my indifference the appearance of unhappiness. That’s right, I am not unhappy, I’m just indifferent, unfeeling, devoid of emotion. This is, I surmise, an evolutionary response of the mind. You see, each time I notice my happiness, it always vanishes; for I will think of all the ways by which the surprises of life will rob it from me. Because of our mortality, our happiness is fragile. This is why I don’t like to notice my happiness. And to not notice my happiness, means also to not immerse myself in it – it means to keep happiness at a distance; to look at the lustrous orb and believe that at any time, it can be yours. The assurance of happiness that will never be reached, the self-deception; that is immortal.

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