Lusterless

My eyes are dry beyond death. They have been this way since the morning. While I want to rub them, I know I shouldn’t. It makes seeing things quite difficult. How frustrating.

I have not had any meaningful conversations in the past few days. It was since that weekend where I met J that I found myself no longer having the capability of speaking properly to people. So it is that each time I walk away from a conversation, I am always left with a flustering dissatisfaction; chastising me for not having put in more effort into the conversation, or having missed out saying some things which would have generated the excited interest of the other party. Have I lost my tongue?

All throughout the day, I wasn’t really thinking; I was just performing a motion which I have been conditioned to perform. Spoke to some classmates before the lesson started; learnt that one of them had signed up to be a student ambassador as well. Still, none of what transpired meant much to me – I could have gone through the day sitting in a dark well, listening to the echoes of my breathing, and it would be to me no different from today. It has come back to me; that crippling, stubborn feeling of emptiness. Something had come a while ago to take away something, and now there is only a void left in me.

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