You know who the biggest liars are? Those people, calling themselves ‘motivators’, who tell you that you have to think positively and all that sort of banal claptrap – don’t look down on yourself, believe in your abilities, harp less on your failures etc. Oh, the horrid stench of it all. And to think people would still buy their books and pay them to talk at a funfair to a crowd of baboons. I know this, I know that they are liars because I have tried heeding their advice once. I tried to think positively, to be happy; indeed, I tried every way to better my life, iron out the creases. But somehow, I always managed to disappoint myself. The harder I tried, the more I seem to fall into a listless unhappiness. The more I tried to pursue happiness, to fix the little cracks, align the slight misalignments, the more of a coward I became. I don’t know how to explain it, but I became a coward; and I became a coward because I kept trying to pursue happiness. So it was that I stopped caring about the matter entirely. I reduced myself, as did Kafka on some sad afternoons, to an inert mass, indifferent to everything. And wonders that did to my life. I knew how to become myself. The more indifferent I became, the more frequently happiness came to visit. It is as though happiness had felt left out, alone, and it begged for my company. That’s it, isn’t it? The less you appear to care about something, the more it yearns for you. So it was with happiness. I tried to embrace melancholy, I called myself a melancholic person through bone and fibre, I saw the dark haze in everything, I thought the worst of everything, and to people in whom I had no interest I gave not the slightest regard – I might even have come off as a bad person. And this life, this life attracted happiness; happiness could not resist coming to it. I was always happy. No matter what, I could not stop being happy; my circumstances were always such that they would make me happy. And as much as I would try to think the worst of my fate, the worst of my lot and passions, happiness would always keep from sinking into where I wanted to go; into a pit of swarming melancholy. So now I realise, I see it all; I see the lies perpetrated by those ‘motivators’. What unbelievable fools they are.


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